I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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