My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
