Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
