At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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