Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
