can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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