I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
