...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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