I faked an abortion last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
