I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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