just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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