is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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