none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
this hospital has no fireball
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
