Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
