You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
