Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
