Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
