He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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