He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
