Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
