now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
