Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
