You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
