She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
