NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
