There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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