I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
