I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Holy shit dude........stairs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
