Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
