I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
