Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
