I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
