Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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