You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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