You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fuck appropriateness.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
