Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
