Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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