She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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