nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
