My hand turned me down
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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