seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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