I faked an abortion last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
