As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
