You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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