My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
