Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
