he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
