why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
