i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
