let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
