I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
